The Most Unique Halloween Costume On The Internet

He’s Ironman, if you didn’t get it.

Movie Mashup Song That Is Just Incredible

I’m impressed, I don’t know about you.

The Gym Is Awkward

So everyone has those awkward change-room moments, I will share one with you.

I like the sauna, I think it’s nice, but for the most part if there are naked, sweaty dudes in there I stay far away.

There is always that one guy at the gym that chats everyone up, and he officially turned me off the sauna when I walked in and he was spread-eagle across the bench, his arm bent holding up his head. Oh, and his wang was in full view.

I’m not saying I’m looking, but dude, come on, right in front of the door. So weird. Full view, like he was presenting it.

I never enter the sauna now with other people in it.

The other day I peeked in and nobody was present, success; this was my chance.

I opened the door, took a seat and begin to sweat out my greasy man-juices.

Soaking in my sauce, another guy walks in. He looks like he is in his late twenties, normal enough, but I haven’t seen him around much and is probably a newbie. There is no conversation.

I think a lot about these things, awkward moments, conversations that go nowhere. I’m fine with them. I can have a million awkward moments with every student, everyday, and I will just chuckle and walk away. Maybe even write about them later.

Late twenties guy can’t handle the silence. I can tell. He is waiting for me to say something even though we are both aren’t looking at each other, just the shitty tile floor.

“Are you opposed to heat?” he asks.

What the fuck kind of question is that? I’m sitting in a fucking sauna, are you stupid?

I’m polite in-person, but my douche-baggery is saved for thinking and writing.

“I’m not going to be in here for long,” I reply.

I didn’t answer the question, and at school we were taught that if you ask a question and you don’t have it answered, ask it again.

So if I was in his position, in a towel, asking another man that looks like a zombie; if this zombie-man was opposed to heat, and didn’t get the right answer, I’d be more demanding the second time.

Clearly, he isn’t much of a writer.

He stands up, grabs the water bottle next to him and begins to pour it’s contents over the rocks.

My eyebrows raise.

This is a goddamn electric sauna, those rocks are for decoration, we aren’t at a flipping mountain spa with hot rocks, the only thing that is making this sauna warm is the electric elements beneath those rocks.

What is more impressive is the clearly labeled sign above the rocks that reads, “please do not pour water on the rocks.”

The best moment of this experience was that I had full chance to tell him not to stop, I saw out of the corner of my eye reaching for the bottle, saw him get up, and  knew full well what he was about to do.

Yet I just continued looking at the tile floor.

My logic is that if this man is going to burn down the gym, I want to see it happen. I want to be the eye-witness that is quoted in the Georgetown Independent about why this gym burnt down. I would laugh and put it in my portfolio, and when someone asks about it, I will tell them this story.

The water flows down the rocks into the steal box and then spills on the floor beneath it. No fire, no sparks, complete disappointment. He didn’t break anything.

Late twenties sits back down, satisfied for making this mess. I get up, and leave.

Why the fuck are those rock decorations even there if people are just going to put water on them? We aren’t in a movie, this is chilly little Halton Hills.

And so, I welcome you to my mind, how I think.

It is a terrible, awful, evil place.

The End Of Farmville

I hate to say it, but I think I’m done with Farmville.

Cafeworld is the new black.

It’s Friday bitches, and I am so damn busy. I’ll write up a hilarious story later when I get a few interviews done.

 

AFI and Gallows @ The Sound Academy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Go go go! Purchase tickets here.

Dragon Age: Origins

Who’s playing?

I am. It’s addicting. I’m a level six warrior, and I feel like I’m on top of the world. Imagine what level 10 feels like?

I’m going to finish this blog in 1337, the language of the gamer.

1 hav3 t0 r3p0r7 0n th3 Sh3r1dan Bru1ns m3n’s v0ll3yball gam3 ton1ght. 1 w0uld pr3f3r t0 b3 l3v3l1ng my warr10r.

 

Bl@k3.
v1d30gam3z4lyf3.

 

 

Editing Travis

Sills asked me to help edit the new issue of Travis, which looks pretty sweet by the way. I thought it would be fun, but it’s not.

I’m humming show-tunes and Bolton is cracking jokes about his one-eyed peter, it just messed up. The more tired I get, the

weirder the jokes I’m going to make.

I want to throw my laptop against the floor right now.

The Hanson Brothers

All right I’m going to tell you a story.

Are you familiar with the Hanson brothers? I’m sure you are. They are the 90s answer to female hormones running a little bit too hard. They are proof that regardless of what you look like, if you are on stage and playing an instrument, girls will want in your pants.

Girls can’t handle that. Boys and music; it’s a bad combination. When you throw in “Mmbop,” simple puppy dog affection turns into an obsession where girls throw all of their morals and values to the wind.

My sister, Dre, was one of those teenyboppers. She was hardcore; she went to the concerts, held up signs, and even coined the phrase “Miss You Like Gravy.”

Clever.

If she had the opportunity to actually meet a Hanson brother, who knows what would happen. Maybe she would want to kiss them; maybe she would just try to rip one of their limbs off.

Lets fast-forward about ten years. All the boppers have grown up, found jobs and shed the skin of what they used to be.

But once a bopper, always a bopper.

Although Hanson seemed to have dropped off the earth, the group was still touring and releasing new material. The band members were pretty much living off the remnants of their intense popularity of the 90’s.

Hanson rolled into town about five years ago, when I was about 16 years old. Dre heard about this and absolutely needed to attend this concert. She asked everyone she knew and one after another, none of her former Hanson loving friends wanted to attend this sing-a-long of a concert.

So what did she do, ask her little brother.

“No,” I said.

Simple, plain, and clear. There was no way I was going to be a part of anything related to Hanson.

I felt bad. Not a single person wanted to go with her, and as embarrassing as it is to even want to go to a Hanson concert, it would be insurmountably more embarrassing if she went by her lonesome.

So I agreed to go, mostly out of pity. She sweetened the deal with a fully paid ticket and a free dinner.

While in line, people asked me why I was there. I looked completely out of place and I explained to them what I have just explained to you. Another man, looking roughly 20, asked me if I had lost a bet and this was my consequence.

“Nope.”

I took the whole evening with good spirit; it was like Christmas for Dre, maybe even better. I sipped my $5 Coca Cola and Dre stood off to the side and Hanson finally came on stage.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” Dre said.

I assumed that Hanson would close the set with “Mmbop,” but not so. After I heard that song I was ready to leave, but they continued to play for close to three hours.

That’s three hours of Hanson I stood through. My patience was being tested.

Dre sang along to almost every song with a wide grin on her face. She was reliving her glory days. I’ve never seen her so happy, hopping up and down clapping her hands like she had just won the lottery.

I smiled. She would turn around and look at me every so often and shout, “you love it, you love it!”

I nodded, and thought about how I would bring this story up on the day of her wedding.

Mindflex

Have you seen this? This looks amazing! Someone buy it for me, we can be best friends.

 

Random Compliments

I might give someone a random compliment tomorrow. You know, keep up the spirits of the terrified H1N1 Sheridan population. Take a read of this great Chicago Tribune article!

Click here.