TRAVIS Asks Some Personal Questions

What is your craziest public washroom story?

We all go to the washroom. We all have stories. And we all have crazy public washroom stories. There really shouldn’t be a stigma about using a public washroom, but you have to admit that it’s just a little weird, right? It’s just a very personal thing, in a very public setting. We thought that by talking to others about public washrooms, it might become a little easier to use them. We’re still not sure if our project worked out to plan. 

Click to see print version of article

Click to see print version of article

I was downtown at Sneaky Dee’s on College. It was a frosty Friday night and we were (of course) having a couple of beverages. It was the first snowfall of the year and it looked like God was shearing a sheep. After a couple of brew, I dropped by the washroom for TRAVIS duty. Like the bar, the washrooms of Dee’s are, um, flavourful. A sheepish man stood to the left of my urinal, peeing.

– Hey, man.

– Yeah?

– What’s the craziest washroom experience you have ever had?

– Um, well, this is pretty weird. So probably now, actually.

– Does that mean you are enjoying yourself as we talk and relieve ourselves?

– If you want to put it that way, yeah, sure. It’s weird, but I’m okay with that.

– Good, me too. Good talk.

The conversation quickly shifted to some guy talk and we then departed the washroom together, not to see one another for the remainder of the night, naturally. When I finally exited the bar, a thin layer of wool blanketed the streets.

story by ryanbolton

*******

SM: Can I ask you a personal question? And you have to be honest.

Stranger: Go nuts.

SM: What’s the craziest thing to ever happen to you in a public washroom?

S: Well, not so much the craziest, or that public, but I was once at the hairdressers and was getting diarrhea. I had to jump up in the middle of a haircut, burst through the door and sat down without checking the seat – which, as it turned out, was soaked in urine. I was only like 8-years-old and was use to urinating on the seat myself. Karma taught me a lesson and I have never pissed on a toilet seat again.

SM: This is going to be published, just so you know.

story by scottmcmanus

*******

I was at Yorkdale Shopping Centre sitting at a Starbucks. I was waiting for the anticipated premier of a movie to start when I spotted two balding men in their thirties drinking juice and munching on some cardboard-like biscuits. I posed the question.

            “Nothing ever in this mall,” the one man answered. I pushed for a better answer.

            “Well, it was probably at Wasaga Beach… the toilets were black, literally black. (I guess he couldn’t see inside of it is what he meant). I couldn’t bring myself to sit down so instead I left the washrooms and held it in until I headed home.”

            I don’t know how he did it, and frankly, I’m glad I didn’t push for more answers.

story by emilybegin

*******

Location: Oakville Place Mall, Food Court, Men’s Washroom

I coordinate my entrance with an unsuspecting and random mall patron: white, male, middle-aged, about 5’10” with a husky build. We simultaneously approach the row of urinals, he went right, and I went left. Mid-stream I turn my head and speak.

R: Hey, boss (herein referred to as B), let me ask you something: What’s your craziest public bathroom experience?

B: (With raised eyebrow) You mean aside from the time a stranger started talking to me while I was taking a pee?

R: Yeah. (Long silence).

R: Or just tell me your funniest bathroom experience. (We both finish and walk over to the sink). It’s for a story I’m writing; I’m just looking for stories.

B: Well… there’s this one time I was at a bingo hall with my wife – before we were married. It was a family thing. I was in the washroom taking a pee beside an older guy who was there before I got there. I guess he was having some prostate problems or something because he was having a hard time going. He had his arm resting on the top of the urinal. I was done and back over at the sink when I heard him starting to grunt. I looked up in the mirror and saw his arm that was on the urinal was now up against the wall like this (he stretches his arm straight above his head). He lets out a big grunt, and then it sounds like he was chipping the porcelain with a burst of pee. (He starts laughing hysterically). It was pretty funny.

R: That’s not bad, what else do you got?

story by ryanedgar

*******

This personal question is going to kill me, I thought as I walked to the washroom. I tucked the books under my sweatshirt and strolled to the washroom staring at the grey floor. I opened the heavy swinging door to the men’s room at Sheridan’s SCAET building. Empty.

            It was silent enough to hear the drops from the faucet hit the basin.

            Then the door opened.

            A tall, awkward looking man with a pallid complexion and oafish glasses approached the urinal. He was clad in all black. I feel vulnerable enough when I’m relieving myself; the last thing I need is to be asking some weird dude standing beside me questions.

            Well, I only live once, or maybe twice or infinite times – I quasi-believe in Buddhism. Anyway, I skipped the formalities, and took a frank approach.

            “What’s the most awkward experience you’ve had in a public bathroom?” He turned his head, stared at me, and then turned back to the wall in front of him.

            “I’m sorry?” he replied. I repeated the inquiry, and explained to him the purpose of the question.

            “I don’t really get asked questions in the bathroom… I guess this is the most awkward.”

            “I knew you’d say that.”

He chuckled, visibly agitated, washed his hands and brushed pass me out the door.

I emailed documentation of the experience to my editor vowing I’d never subject myself to such embarrassment ever again. He laughed at me.

story by nilsblondon

********

There is just something about those big, spacious stalls in every public washroom that really gets me. It must be all the room. I tend to get claustrophobic in the small ones. The washroom was empty and I was taking care of my business. The door started opening slowly and I tensed up; held my breath. I wonder why I do that. I was dead silent, listening intently. I heard a small motor whirring and then I saw a set of wheels in front of the stall door. My heart sank. I paused and slowly reached toward the toilet paper. There was a knock. I jumped. Wiped quickly and opened the door. An older man sat there staring back at me. No anger. No surprise. Just a blank stare. That made it worse. I felt so bad. I washed my hands and left regretting my greedy ways.

story by darrensavage

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