The Cheesy Meaty Baconrito

By Kris Chaput

The 2 pounds of food that stops your heart from pounding

So my family recently accumulated six pounds of bacon and three pounds of cheese due to a Costco trip gone awry. My mom entrusted me to take care of the salty, meaty problem we couldn’t fully fit in our freezer. The answer was clear, I must mix the two together.

I will call it the “Cheesy Meaty Baconrito.”

I know the name needs work, but it was all I could muster at the time being.

I first started by weaving the bacon together, how else would I be able hold a pound of cheese? Then I fried my bacon in a molten pit of sizzling pain and terror. It seems the grease and burning fat simply appears when you start the burner. Miraculously it knows where your body is, and aims for your face and arms when it spits.


Bacon, Cheese, Meat, and More Bacon. Photo By Kris Chaput



Of course what good is cooking without out danger, terror, and fire? It’s not a manly meal if you don’t fear for your life while creating it.

Flipping it completed this goal for me. Spilling my Meatopia onto the burner the greasy fat ignited immediately along with a thick grey smoke setting off various fire alarms. Out of sheer adrenaline and excitement I managed to scoop my meat creation back into the pan and finish the grilling with minimal burns.

Once I doused the flames, treated burns and calmed my parents down, I added the cheese roll, and enjoyed. Top it with what you like, but it had better be good. Your heart could easily stop half way through this behemoth of carbs, calories, cholesterol, and so much more.

    • Anonymous
    • November 11th, 2010

    bullshit, seen that shit on 4chan

    • Kris
    • November 11th, 2010

    Hahah I saw something similar onthe web too, but had the opportunity to recreate it and took full advantage of it.
    Thanks for reading!

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