People-watching at Subway

I’m a people watcher.  I can’t help it.  I think it’s genetic, but all of this is irrelevant.  I went to lunch today at Subway and I did what I normally do, I picked out a little corner and camped out with my book, but today there was a guy and a girl sitting near the table I normally sit at.  I didn’t really think anything of it, as much as I love watching people, I’m not that devoted, I would much rather continue reading Stephen King’s On Writing.

The pair was talking about infidelity.  The girl was telling a story about how her sister’s boyfriend cheated on her and how her sister found out when she went through his e-mail.  The justification for going in his e-mail was at best sketchy and riddle with plot-holes that suggested she was snooping around.

But she snooped his e-mail and found out that, BAM, he was cheating on her.

That’s shitty I guess, but as much fun as it is to know absolutely everything about one another, there needs to be some mystery.  Romance isn’t about e-mails, cell-phones, and searching through their stuff when your lover isn’t looking.

Rule number one in relationships is to remain your own person.  Do your own thing and keep your passwords your own.  Pessimistically, you never know what’s going to happen.  And wouldn’t it suck to have a stalker ex-lover hack into your e-mail and play around with your e-life?  It would.  I’ve been around the block enough times to know it’s just easier to not have the temptation on either side.  My friend Logan offered me some good advice about that Firesheep thing that collected passwords.  He said that sooner or later the temptation would get too strong.  Absolute power corrupts absolutely.  I promptly uninstalled it, and never looked back.  As tempting as it is to be able to sift through people’s accounts, it’s just too much.  Passwords are there for a reason and as a humanitarian, I respect the property and privacy of others, especially my romantic partner’s.

Optimistically, it’s just nice to have a little mystery.  All the time you’d spend snooping your partners inbox, and sifting through their laundry, couldn’t you be doing stuff to show them how much they mean to you?  Paint them a picture, write them a letter, go to the gym, do something.  And turn off your damn TV, all that imagination of yours is going to waste on paranoia and slutty The Bachelor contestants.

If you’re the jealous type, you’ll only find closure when you can really incriminate, and is that really love?  Love is about trust, and you have to give your partner some space to let them trust you back.  Sooner or later every card makes it’s way to the table, bad news, like good news, is inevitable.  Have a little confidence in y’self son, would you pick a partner that would cheat on you?  Or maybe the question isn’t about cheating but about what you’re doing to prevent it.  Prove to yourself why you deserve love, it’s better than proving to your lover why you don’t.

Plus if the suspicion was really that strong, wouldn’t it seem like the sane, well-adjusted thing to do to break it off? Of course, but no one’s perfect and what we know is right can be hard to do.  Personally, infidelity is too much effort for me.  Pimpin’ really AIN’T easy.  One girl at a time, and sometimes none.  No one will love you if you’re keeping a backup around.

 

Anyway, then the girl said, “If my boyfriend knew we were having lunch together, he’d be so angry.”  As in, she’s not going to tell her “jealous” boyfriend that she’s having lunch with another man.

I don’t think there’s a problem with people having lunch with people of the opposite sex when they’re in a relationship.  I don’t remember where I heard it but keeping secrets is the work of a guilty conscience.

Perhaps her boyfriend is the jealous type (many guys are, we’re a generation of insecure men, that’s why Ed Hardy and MMA exists), but then maybe she should reconsider her connection to him.  If he’s jealous of her having friends to the point that she has to hide it, maybe there’s a more understanding guy around.  Not a swinger, but just someone who has a little self-respect to not worry.

People are pretty resilient.  If something is meant to be, you can put it under a little duress.  Blinding jealousy is a scary thing, but distance makes the heart grow fonder.

It kills me when people are this dumb.  I would feel weird if I felt I couldn’t tell my partner about my day.  If she was going to rage out on me for having lunch with a friend, I’d reconsider the relationship.

Just take it easy, love one person at a time and trust them, and have the self-confidence to tell the truth, even when it’s not shiny.  That’s what I’d say is the key to a healthy relationship.  I guess it’s the golden rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

– Bryan

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