How To Survive The Superbowl

There is one thing that my parents and I will never agree on, and that something is the importance of the Super Bowl.
On the eve of the biggest night in football of the year, I used to fall asleep on the couch, only to be awoken by the victorious cheers or yells of crushing defeat as my parents tried to spur their team to victory through the TV screen. For a long time, I never understood exactly WHY they were excited about what they were watching.
As an angry teenager I wrote it off as a night for jocks to get drunk and watch cheerleaders in illegally short skirts high kick their Neanderthal team into victory.
Now that I’m older (and arguably wiser) the hype and the sport are still out of the bounds of my interest. Away from home, apart from the odd Facebook update or tweet from a sports loving friend, I can step back and enjoy another Sunday evening in February with no problem whatsoever. However, if you do find yourself rubbing elbows with the jersey wearing, beer chugging crowd, there are ways to make the absolute best out of a night that celebrates hulking athleticism in shoulder pads and tights.
1. Enjoy the advertisements. Yes, our young generation is hyperaware and skeptical of the billions of dollars meant to sell us corporate garbage. The thing is, those billions of dollars can sometimes be put towards some hilarious and entertaining stuff. The infamous Old Spice “I’m On a Horse” was launched as a Superbowl advertisement.

2. Chow down. Superbowl parties always have great eats and lots of beer. Whether it’s chips and dip, hot wings, or chili, there is always hearty and totally delicious food to sample and savour. The spread of a thousand champions will be on the table before you, and all you have to do is pick up a plate, crack open a cold one and bask in the good (and most likely FREE) goodness.

3. Mingle. The chances that you’re going to be the only one at the party with zero interest in the sport itself are minimal. You’ll spot your kind sitting away from the TV, cell in one hand, beer in the other, casting glares at the jocks whenever they scream about bad calls or touchdowns. This person could be your new best friend. Talk with them, bust out a pack of cards and get into an epic game of crazy eights. Make the best of it, and you could make some new friends or catch up with old acquaintances.

Take it from a perpetual victim of the Superbowl party; you just have to make the best of it. If none of these seem like reasonable options to you, next year plan ahead to watch the Puppy Bowl with your friends.

– Riley Wignall


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